Break the night with colour...

Everyone's leaving, and its breaking my heart.

So I took the final Friday. Stressed the night before terribly, slept about an hour and a half, and truly felt sick to my stomach afterwards. I think I did all right, considering though. I'll know in a few weeks, anyway. Kirsty and Farwa both decided to opt out. Terrible predicament considering no support in the fact that the two friends decide against taking it. Of course, Kirsty had decided early on, while Farwa overslept the day of it and actually had prepared, so that's unfortunate.

I was going to go to sleep afterward, just because there was a plan of possibly going dancing that night and I didnt want to collapse. Of course, Maria called and then Kirsty to let me know she was coming to campus. I headed to the great pancake place across Holburn for coffee before heading to school. Bought some LSE shirts for Maleeha and Daddy, Habeeb, being nice, helped out trying to figure out the right size for my dad.

Kirsty and I hung out at Starbucks for a while, and I swear, it was perfect. I was about ready to fall asleep again, but good conversation, you can't balk at that. She's going to stay at the same dormitory Prince William did. I will somehow find a way to visit her, seriously, how nice is that? We ended up going shopping to Oxford Street and I gotta say, I've rarely had as much fun looking through clothes. I love the United Colours of Benetton, btw. Nice place. It was fun dressing up in Gap and laughing at what strange appearances we turned into. It'll be cool to see where she ends up in a few years, whether a diplomat or not, I doubt she'd compromise.

I'm gonna miss her, she was really something else. Very down to hang out with, and one of the funniest people I've met here. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't had her in class with me this second session. With as dull as class was, Farwa and she were the only reasons worth attending (that and a credit, yes yes). Incredibly insightful too, her intelligence never ceased to amaze me when discussions commenced about the most random of topics.

The farewell party was sad, although the karoake and crowd of people did everything to make it lousy. I liked the first farewell party more, I must admit, for it was all of us in that corner, food before us, and conversations of films and nietzche abounding. This time it felt like so many were missing, even if some of them came letter, it just wasn't the same. I suppose the ghosts of those that had left felt much more poignant in that place where we'd last sat with them.

I'm getting carried away with myself, perhaps.

Mana, Soraya, Farwa, Maria, Aleisha, Habeeb, and I decided to then go to this bhangra club called Bar Bollywood, but it was actually called Yatra. We all got ready, well in particular me since Mana, Soraya, and Farwa were set to go. It was great though just sitting in my room with the three of them, eating chips and discussing which one we wanted to go to, or how to get there. I called some places for directions and its funny how much better you're treated by brown people if they think you're American (as my accent obviously makes clear). We end up leaving and eating when we get there since Soraya was starving, and since its a restaurant upstairs, it worked out well. Great Indian food, too. I perhaps should have held back from eating since I was going to go dance, but these thoughts of wisdom are always too late.

The night was absolutely madly fantasic. I got a cramp from eating for a bit so I had to slow it down, and I really having never danced to bhangra did not know what to do, but I think after a while it mattered less. I realize that as much as I criticize it, I can dance well to 'Promiscuous Girl', so thanks Nelly Furtado for giving me my moment of greatness. Mana was so wonderful, she had all these wonderful classic Indian moves, and was so feminine as she spun on the dancefloor and arched her back. I absolutely love her. Soraya had so much energy that dancing with her was perfect when you were tired since you got energized yourself to keep up. Farwa was a natural, being punjabi, so had the shoulder pop down. Habeeb, as always, was just amazing. All his humbleness about being an "all right" dancer is bull.

Went to Leicester Square afterwards, best bottle of water I've ever had because of burning thirst. It was very cold and none of the clubs were free, so walked back to Holburn. It was lovely just walking through drunken and slightly hilarious Londoners so late at night trying to find their way, and I'm happy I got to walk in London with this group one last time.

Sitting downstairs in the bar at Holburn was heartwrenching. It was perfect, the conversation flowing between us like a symphony, and then emotion setting in as the realization struck that it might be years before I see these people again. Habeeb departed, which was difficult for Mana and Soraya who would not be seeing him since they left the next morning, and he would be in Scotland till Sunday before coming back to London. Finally, it had to end, and walking Soraya and Mana up was more than a little difficult. I'm so thankful I got to know them near the end, especially dear Mana. These girls, these wonderful cool Parisians, I owe some of the best conversations late at night here. I love them, truly, for thier originality, their romanticism, and their abject compassion. As different as they were, they were lovely, and I will not, I refuse to lose touch with them. We'll get together, India, China, Europe - so be it. We will all of us, all of us from here who've mentioned it- do the trips and meetings and keep up with the lives of each other through them.

This morning, I got a message from Mana that made me hate goodbyes for I always tear up-
dear sana i'd like to express the wonder it's been to to meet u but that would involve a big hug. i really hope we keep in touch. kiss farwa and maria. bye didi.



To London, to the people, the friends, the conversations, and the possibilities. It's been wonderful.

You've Got My Heart In A Headlock

I need to update this more, details leave me each day.

I went to Bath 2 weeks ago. Habeeb, Maria, and me, and it was madness. Initially, a touch dull not to mention expensive (40something pounds just train!) but it really ended up being a lot of fun. Glorious just running through streets, laughing as we get lost and get ripped off at really terrible museums- and then just stumbling along the way (oftentimes, literally). I saw one of Jane Austen's houses. Maria kept pausing for pictures, and the town is on a hill of some sort, so walking is like walking continuosly on an incline. Tiring faster than you realize. The coutryside around the town looks like Switzerland. I'm really grateful we didn't do a structured tour of any sort. I think you miss a lot when you don't have the freedom to stumble and find your own way.

I talked with Manna and Soriya until 5:30 in the morning last weekend. I wish I'd known that although they're cool, they're not that infinitely cool that they always have something to do - I wish I'd known that long before because I loved their company. I don't think I've ever been so entertained so late at night acting out scenes, lol. Soriya, I hope, will get married and start a family when she meets the right guy. Sometimes you just meet people who make glorious wives and mothers, and I think she would. As well as her education, I just think she would be wonderful at it. Manna, I have a feeling, won't settle down for a very long time. She'll travel, go through some more cynical years, and then hopefully find satisfaction. Liberation. Truly a citizen of the world if I'd ever met one. It's funny when simple characteristics of people are the one's you remember and adore. I love that I never need to worry about her, be it in a crowd, or a rush. She'll find you, that independence, maturity really, is extraordinay to me. Hopefully I'll be there soon, too.

Manna, Soriya, Farwa and I went to a protest against Israel's actions in Lebanon this past weekend. It was absolutely massive! Considering the night before we'd stayed up so late, it was more than a little painful to wake up early for it, but I'm more than a little grateful that we went. The drums, and the chants, and the collective voices- there were moments when it became bigger than all of us, you felt truly part of a living, breathing collective. It was hot, and more than 100,000 people came together - it was massive. So many different people, different races and cultures- all united against injustice and inhumanity.

The Wind That Shakes The Barley - flawless. Glorious film. Easily one of the best films I've seen in the past few years. Cillian Murphy is going to be offering brilliance in films for a long time, I imagine. I thought it was a singular portrayal of the Irish Republican movement.

I'm going to miss Farwa. It's not just having a good time with her that's made me realize that, but I feel as if I've found someone that truly.. is the depth and humanity and breadth that I've always been searching for in a friend. I've rarely enjoyed talking literature with anyone as much as her. She's got so much to offer, too.. immense capacity for compassion and insight. I hold a number of people dear to me, but her, she is one I admire. If I lose contact with her.. I won't. I can't. And someday soon, I hope we can take that glorious trip into obscure regions of China. It'd be like nothing else.

Went to dinner with Habeeb, Nikolai, Farwa, and Niko's friend Carlos last night. We were intending to go to a play, but since we were late, there was a Chinese restaurant down the street and it was wonderful. I'm going to miss those small little occurrences more, dinner and good conversation in an obscure cafe in the middle of London. Some of the greatest insights, funniest moments, and glorious occurrences of disconnect- then and there.

"I can't do the walk, I can't do the talk, I can't be your friend, Unless I pretend.. So give me the song and I'll sing it like I mean it, Give me the words and I'll say them like I mean it..."